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My daughter's boyfriend gambled their deposit – should I stay angry?

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My daughter’s boyfriend gambled away their house deposit but she’s staying with him – will I lose my daughter if I don’t forgive him too?

A furious mother has revealed she can’t forgive her daughter’s boyfriend after he blew his share of their house deposit on gambling.

The woman took to the British parenting forum Mumsnet to explain that she is worried about losing her daughter after she made the decision to stay with her boyfriend despite his actions. 

She wrote that she is unable to understand her daughter’s decision and is being made out to be the ‘bad person’.

While some online users supported the mother in her disappointment, others pointed out that she cannot control her daughter’s relationships.

A furious mother took to the British parenting forum Mumsnet to reveal she can't forgive her daughter's boyfriend after he blew his share of their house deposit on gambling (stock image)

A furious mother took to the British parenting forum Mumsnet to reveal she can’t forgive her daughter’s boyfriend after he blew his share of their house deposit on gambling (stock image) 

The woman wrote: ‘I’m being made to feel that I’m the bad person here…

‘My daughter was buying a property with boyfriend. She had saved and saved and had a good amount.

‘He apparently said he had done the same – it was an equal share, both apparently looking after their own finances. 

‘At the last point, a few days before exchange, he revealed to her he had lost his savings for the deposit to online betting/gaming. 

The poster said they are worried of losing their daughter because they cannot understand why she is still with her boyfriend

The poster said they are worried of losing their daughter because they cannot understand why she is still with her boyfriend

‘She was devastated. We all were. The house and dreams of their future had gone. 

‘He lied to her for months and months and everyone around him came to light. 

‘She was angry but insisted she stays with him, loves him and wants to help him. 

‘I can’t bear the thought of her being with him now…how can he ever be trusted.

‘Our relationship is fraught now. I can’t bring myself to understand her decision. She’s worth so much more. I don’t want to lose my daughter.’

Many posters took to the comments to show express their sympathy with the mother and their criticism of her daughter’s boyfriend.

Some users sympathised with the poster, saying they understand why the parent was angry

Some users sympathised with the poster, saying they understand why the parent was angry

One commented: ‘She needs to leave him as she will have a lifetime of grief and lies! Why are you being made to feel the bad person?’

Another wrote: ‘I suspect that your daughter will ultimately come to her own decision to bin off the boyfriend, unless he really takes active steps to stop gambling. All you can do is be there to support her.’

One comment read: ‘It’s awful to have to stand by and watch especially when you rightfully fear for what her future holds. 

‘I would tell her that it was hard for you to see this happen to her as you knew how hard she worked and she’s your daughter but you understand that she makes her own decisions and that you love her and will be there for her.’

Another said: ‘Although it’s not your place to forgive (I’d be livid though if I was you or her) I really do think you need to sit her down and explain how buying a house with him would be a massive risk.

‘What if he continues to gamble and cannot pay his share of the mortgage/bills? This is a wake up call for her.’ 

Other users pointed out that the decision on how to handle the relationship lies with the daughter

Other users pointed out that the decision on how to handle the relationship lies with the daughter

Other users emphasised that she should simply give advice when she is approached by her daughter while the boyfriend should seek professional help.

One wrote: ‘I know this must have been a shock, but in the kindest way possible, it’s not your decision to make. 

‘He may have a problem and she’s decided to stick by him; some would say that’s admirable.’

Another said: ‘Whose dreams? She’s still got a future. He’s an addict. This is her decision. 

‘Similar happened to my [daughter], except they’d been together for sixteen years. 

‘They bought another house and he’s five years over his addiction. 

‘You need to separate yourself from your daughter. What has he done to you to need your forgiveness? You’ll lose your daughter.’

One commented: ‘If you don’t want to lose her, you need to let her make her own choices, even if those turn out to be mistakes. 

‘You don’t have to agree or like him, but you have to accept that she has the right to take this risk.’

Another wrote: ‘You don’t want to lose your daughter, she doesn’t want to lose her partner. Accept who she is or you will lose her.’ 

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